Sis, it’s true when they say you don’t know what you don’t know. When Jonathan was my fiance, I didn’t know what marriage would look like or be like. We are one most definitely, but that doesn’t mean we see eye to eye on everything. For example, when Jonathan ask, “What would you like to eat?” and I say a place, it’s never what he wants to eat. Like BOY why did you ask?! Sis, I’m writing this to let you know life is too short and we are too young to be worrying about petty stuff. Here is what we’ve learned almost 2 years into marriage.
1. Someone Has To Listen.
- As a wife and female, I find myself ALWAYS talking. Talking about my day. Talking about how I feel. Talking about what I like and don’t like. What I failed to realize is Jonathan has a voice too. He doesn’t say much in general, but when he speaks, it’s so wise. We are extremely busy and most of our communication happens in the car or late at night. One night we sat down and I told him I feel like you’re off. Whats going on? He said, ” I feel like you don’t listen to me.” (Insert crying emoji) He said, sometimes I want to share about my day. Sometimes I’m feeling some kind of way, but I can’t find my voice, because yours is so strong. From that day, I made it up in my mind to start listening and quite honestly shut up. Lol. I’ve learned I don’t always have to have a say in the matter, I can just listen. Jonathan doesn’t always need my advice, he just needs me to listen.
2. You’re Married To Each Other, Not Your Phones.
- One night, we were watching television and when I looked at Jonathan he was on his phone and I was on mine. We were “spending time” with each other. The room was silent besides the TV, but at that moment I’m like HOLD UP. We decided to make it a point to set aside our phones and focus on actually watching TV, together. Lol. Sis, I felt so sad though. I was missing precious time with my husband, because I was so consumed with what everyone else was doing. We had to start being intentional with one another. Time waits for no one and I want to make sure while I’m still able to see my husband face to face, I want cherish every second.
3. Listen, Linda, Listen.
- Remember that listening piece I just gave you…you’ll need it for this piece. We’ve learned that we both have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes it’s not easy learning from each other, because we both are competitive. Jonathan is extremely intelligent, and me…well let’s just say it’s a miracle I’m a teacher. Haha. When he outsmarts me, ugh, I’m like OOOOOOK Bill Nye.Chill. We. Get. IT. Your. Smart. I miss opportunities to learn from Jonathan, because I feel like I know more than him. Like no boo, you failed TAKS 4 times. Be quiet and listen. On the flip side, I have a gift of pubic speaking and Jonathan doesn’t like taking pointers from me. He’s like OOOOOOK Oprah. You ain’t all that. *rolls eyes* “UH. YEAH. I. AM. Sis, there is beauty learning from one another and setting aside your ego and listening. There is also power in helping each other grow.
4. Your Marriage Won’t Look Like Her Marriage.
- Sis, when it’s all said and done, you’re sleeping beside your husband at night. No one else. Quit comparing your marriage to other peoples’ marriage. Stay in your lane. We look at our sister and how her husband writes her love letters and now you’re looking cross eyed at your husband, because he’s not writing you anything. Boy is barely taking out the trash. Listen, we love differently. Jonathan is the least romantic person on this planet. I know this though. It’s not the way he loves. I can’t expect him to love me the way “I THINK” he should love me. He loves me in his own way and I appreciate that. Jonathan’s love language is “affection.” My least love language is affection. You see what I’m saying. We love differently. Another thing, it’s exhausting to be any other thing but authentic. Be who you are and allow your marriage to speak for itself. Focus on your marriage sis- quit comparing. It’s taking your joy.
5. Don’t Do Life Alone.
- It’s not good to compare yourself to someone else, but it’s also not good to do life alone. Get plugged in. If you’re a married couple and you’re looking for other married couples, pray for that. Jonathan and I have been blessed with the community of friends we have. There was a time when Jonathan and I felt so alone. We began to pray for God to bring Godly couples into our lives. There is something about a community of people who will support you and pray for you. Also, sometimes you just need your sister to remind you of the word of God- put you in check. I love being able to support my friends in their marriage and receiving support for mine.
6. Stop Asking Single People for Marriage Advice.
- Sis, this is extremely important. You’re in two different seasons of your life. You can’t teach what you don’t know. You wouldn’t go to an eye doctor to get your teeth cleaned. You feel me? Being in two different seasons of your lives, your priorities are different. Your views are different. It’s not like we are in this elite club and singles are in the nose bleed, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is you’re no longer living for one anymore, you’re living for two. As a single person, all the decisions are made to benefit your wants and needs as a pose to being married all the decisions are made about each other.
7. Remember You’re A Team.
- When one succeeds, you both succeed. Believe in one another. Invest in each others dreams. A house divided can not stand. Make sure both of your goals align with each other. Sis, you’re a team. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing benefiting my marriage?” “Is what I’m doing going to help us win?” Sis, I’ve learned if I do my part as a wife, and we continue to keep God first… we will win. Encourage each other along the way. Have fun and enjoy every minute of living your best life.
Meet My Teammate-Here Is A Clip Of Jonathan’s Heart On My 29th Birthday!
Jonathan is the person God chose to stand by my side through life. Every second of the day I thank God for this life He has given me and I thank Him for Jonathan. Marriage ain’t always peaches and cream, but it’s worth every second.
His Beloved and His Wife